Does my butt look big?

(Don’t answer that!)

Will I ever look in the mirror and see what I really look like?  Why don’t I see how much I look like my mother or the extra neck flesh?  I see it in pictures and it shocks me.

Will I ever be able to see the acceptable size of my butt?

It’s my mother’s fault.  She was probably anorexic, but I just thought she was mean.  She told me often to tuck in my bottom, but it’s the stick-out kind that doesn’t tuck.  Like Beyonce’s.

I wasn’t overweight, but I thought I was.  I remember the taste of Metracal.  It was like Slim Fast, but worse.  I used to do thigh and butt exercises in my room after dinner.  I tried to roll and bounce off my thighs and butt.  My parents asked me stop because I was directly over them bumping away while they watched television.

I won’t let anyone take pictures of me from behind.

Maybe one day I’ll wear light-colored pants.  I’ve read that white jeans are as flattering as dark jeans.  My snow-white, like-new white jeans are flattering with one loose, long, gauzy black top that covers my thighs.

Mostly I wear black pants or dark jeans.  When I find some that fit, I buy as many pairs as I can afford.

This morning I put lotion on my butt.  I’m trying to be nice to it.

I wonder sometimes what my daughters see in their mirrors.  What seeds of doubt and insecurity have I passed on?


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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. While you were doing thigh and butt exercises in your room after dinner, I was ironing my hair then setting it in soda cans to straighten it … I hear where you’re coming from. I cracked up about the lotion. You should be nice to your butt. It’s given you a lot of support over the years :o)

    • “You should be nice to your butt. It’s given you a lot of support over the years”–Love it! And I did the giant rollers, too.

  2. We’re a family of big-bottomed women. When my skinny granddaughters make fun of us, we always tell them what a nice cushion we have to sit on! Not like their little skinny butts. Maybe someday they’ll grow into the family trait. If so, I hope they’ll accept it. I say, if you make an effort to eat right and stay in shape and you still have a big butt, embrace it! Or put some lotion on it.

    • I’m way past starving myself in hopes of a different butt! Fit and healthy are my goals now. Got to live long enough to see Adaline as a teenager.

  3. Robin, never ask any one if your butt looks big, especially your husband. I prefer loose fitting clothes myself. Keep them guessing.

    • Mike knows not to answer. And I like the loose clothes, too. It’s about comfort, isn’t it?

      • You got it…You can only be your true self if you are comfortable. I find people who dres to kill are uptight and usually fake.You can’t live your life trying to impress people, always be yourself.

      • Amen, Barb.

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