Why I Don’t Wear Eyeliner

(I used to blame my mother for this stuff.  Of course.  But she couldn’t teach what she didn’t know.  So now do I blame my grandmother?)

I don’t know how to put on eyeliner.  Not the liquid kind like India ink or the soft pencil kind you smudge.  I like my eyes.  They look good behind glasses with eyeliner, like Sarah Palin.  I wore eyeliner for both my daughters’ weddings so my eyes would look big in the pictures.  Someone else put it on for me.  That felt very weird and icky.

I don’t know how to keep a tidy house.  My parents had 3 kids in 3 1/2 years.  (That was before The Pill.)  My dad traveled each week for work.  My mother went into a tidying/cleaning frenzy on Fridays, before my dad came home.  Clutter feels natural to me.  I’d like to be neater and more organized.  It does happen in occasional bursts.

I don’t know how to be a good friend.  My mom didn’t really have friends.  We moved a lot–4 elementary schools in 3 states, 1 junior high, and 2 high schools, 1 in Ohio and 1 in NC.  I always thought, “This time we’ll stay put.”  My dad kept getting better jobs, so we packed up again and moved.  I made friends each time, then said goodbye.

I gave up on eyeliner.  And consistent tidiness.  I won’t do things I’m not good at.

I have friends now, even Facebook friends.  I want to be a more skillful friend.  I’m inconsistent about connecting and I’m very selective about who gets inside my walls.  I need and enjoy lots of time alone.  My friends seem to understand.

I’ve lived in this NC town for over 30 years.  I don’t plan to leave.  It’s home.

We’ve had our house for over 20 years.  It smells like us when you walk in.  It’s home.

How odd.

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