I Am That Person.

The one you’re supposed to protect by wearing a mask.
Over 65. Several underlying conditions including immune-suppressant drugs to keep rheumatoid arthritis under control and A-fib, an irregular heartbeat that can (and did) cause a stroke.

Yeah, I haven’t been out of the apartment much. Luckily, I’m an introvert who likes to read. And watch Gov. Cuomo’s updates. And I might stay in jammies all day and think it’s okay. I’ve even watched a Sunday service at our church on Facebook Live in my jammies!

I tell people I’m okay with this self-isolation stuff. And I am. But I also know my default way to deal with fear and stress (learned as a child) is to stuff my feelings and just keep going. So I wonder some days if I’m a healthy okay or an unhealthy okay. That’s a good way to make myself crazy, so I just choose to believe I’m a healthy okay.

The retired man I live with grocery shops, a mixed blessing. He can find some odd stuff, especially at Trader Joe’s. He always asks what I want but I can’t usually think of anything. Except one time I wanted Doritos and he brought home 2 Party-size bags, 2 different kinds. He’s a keeper.

I wonder when I’ll ever feel safe going anywhere.

I want to go back to the places I used to volunteer.

I’d sure like to have lunch in a restaurant with a friend.

And I REALLY miss hugging and listening to my grandchildren.

Published in: on May 20, 2020 at 2:15 pm  Comments (6)  
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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Robin, I feel you. I am grateful that, at least, I can get out to the grocery store, albeit at senior hour and wearing a mask. I, too, miss my church and my friends, but especially hugs and kisses and tales from my grands. Hang in there-and keep writing!😊👍

  2. “Sometimes when I say ‘I’m okay’, I want someone to hold me tight, look me in the eyes, and say, ‘No you’re not.'”
    Paulo Coelho, Brida
    Hang in there Robin.

  3. Thank you Robin! You are amazing!

    Sent from my iPhone


  4. I so love your candor, wisdom, and your chutzpah, Robin. You and the retired man you live with both hit the jackpot in these times of the real essence of the “for better or for worse” part that rolled so easily off our tongues many years ago. Sending you a safe hug from my heart to yours.💘

  5. Like you, I am trying to find the good–and there is good. Silly good, like, boy, my refrigerator has never been this clean! And profound good, like really looking at the moth that has lit on the wall outside my front door, and writing more songs than ever. Humans are adaptive and as long as none of our underlying weaknesses get us, we will learn from this scourge and we will grow. Thanks for the thoughtful post Robin!

  6. And what a good person you are.

    Don’t forget that part.


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